One-Sided Relationships: Are you bringing anything to the table?
I recently had a discussion with my boss about a friendship I felt I had grown out of—we had grown in different directions and I was often left on the short end of our one-sided relationship. My boss said something that struck me—that if you’re not uplifted or better off because of that person, then it’s ok to move on.
Work and personal relationships operate on different levels, but the end goal should always be the same: both parties should benefit. One-sided relationships are ticking time bombs: unstable, unpredictable, and usually leave some one feeling slighted.
I’m adverse to the term “mutually beneficial” –it’s a bit too corporate-speak for my tastes–but that’s exactly what a relationship should be. When I get frustrated with a co-worker, colleague, or friend, it’s often because I feel they’re not bringing anything to the table. (The line, “Help me help you” comes to mind.) However, I should also be asking myself the same question—am I helping them achieve their goals? When I sense tension, it’s usually because one of us isn’t feeling the love, and that person isn’t always me.
As a PR practitioner, do you help a reporter out as often as you ask something of them? As a manager, do you assist your employees in advancing their career with professional development opportunities? As a volunteer manager, are you properly thanking your volunteers?
Taking the time to listen to and understand some one else’s needs before launching into a diatribe about your own seems counterintuitive to getting what you want—but more often then not, fulfilling their needs will also help you in the end. Helping out a reporter could get you great coverage. Sending your employee to a statewide conference could bring in new business. Showing your volunteers what a difference they made could have them clamoring to come back.
Whether personal or work-related, asking yourself what you’re bringing to the table in a relationship can often be the difference between breaking it off completely or growing together in new and exciting ways.
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